Lt Col Smith



Lt Col Phillip Rupert Smith is a recurring character in the series who is in charge of the British army base that the team is based at. Commander of the entire Battlegroup, he's based at a nearby Forward Operating Base but somehow he's never far away when he's required. Or when he's definitely not required. As he reaches the end of his career in the Army, he has realised that he can conduct himself however he likes. So he does.

First rule
A running joke in the show is that when the Colonel is giving advice or punishing people, he asks them what the "first rule" of the situation is. This often causes confusion with the person he's talking to as the first rule is different every single time. Below is a list of each first rule that the Colonel comes up with
 * What's the First Rule of Hospitality? Don't shoot the guests
 * What's the First Rule? Don't dig up the base!
 * What's the First Rule of a daring midnight raid? Surprise!
 * What's the First Rule? Don't get caught thrapping yourself half to death with an orange in your mouth.
 * What's the First Rule of stag nights? There are no rules.
 * What's the First Rule? If you want good food, don't join the army.
 * What's the First Rule? Get over there.
 * What's the First Rule? Get a land rover.
 * What's the First Rule? Don't speak ill of the dead. What's the Second Rule? DO speak ill of the dead if they were also a colossal prick
 * What's the First Rule? Find the baby Jesus
 * What's the First Rule? Don't destroy the cookhouse AND all the turkey in it on the night before Christmas
 * *And a bonus* Don't bring a fu**ing car bomb onto the fu**ing base, it's not even the First Rule it's so fu**ing obvious!